Go On & Leave Me Breathless

I am the world's worst secret keeper. I could never have a career with the CIA. And when it comes to keeping something secret from Bryant? Forget about it.

And he's just as bad.
Not being able to keep secrets also makes me a terrible gift giver. I'm an excellent present purchaser but as soon as I buy it, I want to give it to the recipient immediately. I think it's because I want to see the joy on their face when they receive it. This also makes me a terrible gift receiver because I snoop. But that's neither really here nor there.

Being with Bryant has been the best present I could ever receive. And I'm glad he's terrible at keeping secrets (and giving presents) because that means we never hold anything back. We're just alive. Not hiding anything. And because we don't/can't keep secrets, it means we get to be spontaneous. It means we get to just...live. In the moment. Which is one of the hardest things for me to do.

We've been together just shy of 3 years. And I think we both knew, right from the beginning.

Over the summer, he began dropping hints that this day would come. He asked me to begin picking out rings that I liked, so he could pick something I'd love. At first, I was slightly adverse to this. He wanted to make sure I'd have something I'd love forever. I told him time and again, "I'll love whatever you choose for me". But I obliged. Carefully, I compiled a list of rings I liked and sent them to him (as he was home working).

He then began to drop hints about the date. Almost everything in his life has added up to 9. Jersey numbers in high school, every dorm room number. So he told me the day would add up to 9 and only happen once in the next 100 years. I was perplexed for the longest time but eventually figured it out with the help of a friend LOL.

Because we can't keep secrets from one another (and he knew I wanted to wear something special), he told me in early October that it'd be December 12th. He wanted to help me love Christmas again. And I'll admit, he totally has.

I'd managed to keep my outfit secret for weeks. And I'd had a polish in mind for a long time. But late last week, I decided to let him choose. He came out of my room, clutching RBL Under the Stars. He loves this polish, I'd venture a guess that it's even his favourite. I asked him why that one and he said, "Well, it's blue! And Under the Stars! It's called Under the Stars, and that's so cool!!". =)

He completely surprised me with this ring. It was on my list this last summer and I'd completely forgotten about it. It's so perfect. I love that it's snowflake like without being super obvious. 

He took me on a drive down to our state's capital where a huge Christmas tree stands lit. As we were walking towards it, he held my hand and started out saying,"You know I love you. I love you more than anything and I'm having trouble finding the words to say. But I do know that the tree is missing a star and your finger, a ring. So I have a question, will you marry me?"

 

I'm a planner, a calculator. A worrier, about things that are totally out of my control. I'm a perfectionist and type A. I'm a neurotic organizer. 

And he's so not. He's grounded and level headed. He can help me think through every tiny thing I worry about and talks me through it. He's kind, gentle and has the warmest soul. He loves me when I wake up in the morning and I'm running late. He loves me when I've let me roots grow out too long. He loves me when I'm utterly vulnerable and unable to help myself. He taught me how to ask for help when I need it and even when I don't. 

And I can't wait to spend my life with him.